Today was not my favorite day. Frankly, it laughed heartily at last Monday and kicked its ass. I met my surgeon today, a very likeable lady with a great vibe and feel about her. She came with a “Navigator” who works with the surgeon and will accompany me throughout all stages on this journey. A breast cancer alumna herself, and someone who will be a valuable asset to me and to Ron. We will both need her support, I am certain, in the weeks and months to come.
Because I prefer to cut to the chase and not draw things out too much (I have never been a good story teller as a result), my immediate future will include an MRI to see if there are any additional areas to be concerned about in both breasts and my lymph nodes. That will get done this week. The next step, regardless of what that test says, is to begin chemotherapy. That regimen will be determined by the results from the MRI, and the skin punch biopsy I had today. After 4-6 months of chemo, I will go in for surgery. Not the friendly kind, rather the “strip away your femininity” kind. I will need a mastectomy and, depending on the MRI results, it might be both breasts. We won’t know that until later.
Blunt force trauma to the gut is the best way I can describe feeling upon getting this information. Right now I am processing, keeping busy, and focusing on the positives – Ron is going to help me pick out a wig or 3! – and I may even take up archery. After all, I will be an authentic Amazon in a few months. The ONLY way I will ever make it to the end of this process with any sanity or self esteem remaining, is because of my husband. He is the most loving, compassionate, thoughtful, and dependable man I have ever known. I believe there is nothing that he would not do for me, no length too great to go, nor too tough to tackle. HE is MY rock. I am so very lucky to have his heart.
I am focusing on putting all my energy into positive thinking – believing that the cancer is confined to one breast and not present in any other locations. This task is being made a lot easier by all the love and support I am receiving. Thank you to everyone who has commented, sent a message, texted, etc., and given me so much strength. I have not cried before today, with the exception of being brought to tears several times by the love and support from so many. I am so blessed, and know that I have an Army behind me throughout this evolution. I had hoped to respond to each of you in time, but there are so many that I can’t even start for fear of missing someone. Know that your words mean so much to me and to Ron during this emotionally challenging time.
I plan to continue these notes throughout all steps until I am deemed cancer-free. They are for information sharing, as well as personal catharsis and documentation. I cannot promise all will be eloquent, or without some trace of hostility. I will try to maintain my positive spirit but do ask your understanding if there are entries that fall short.
Thank you again, to each and every one of you for making this load a bit lighter to bear.